Filed in the “because we can” folder, the British Journal of Medicine published a study into the drinking habits of Bond…James Bond. The results of this study are predictably horrifying.
Included in the BMJ’s light-hearted Christmas issue, the study found Liver specialists at Nottingham University in England combing through Ian Fleming’s 14 James Bond novels. The resulting data showed James Bond drank, on average, 45 alcoholic beverages a week. That’s as many as seven drinks a day.
The doctors who conducted the survey told the BBC, “The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol.”
Not only would this amount of alcohol render a man unable to fight global crime, it would also most likely render Bond impotent.
Through the course of the original Fleming novels, James Bond only stayed dry a total of 13 days. To reiterate: in 14 novels, Bond only went without a drink 13 days. In the novel From Russia With Love, Bond drinks 50 units of alcohol in a single day. During the course of the book You Only Live Twice, the superspy drank over 200 units of alcohol. Even at his most sober, in The Man with the Golden Gun, Bond still manages to drink almost 50 units of alcohol.
Perhaps worst of all, the article takes aim at Bond’s affinity for having his martinis, “Shaken, not stirred.” According to the article, the ideal martini is actually stirred, not shaken. Study authors say, “That Bond would make such an elementary mistake in his preferences seemed incongruous with his otherwise impeccable mastery of culinary etiquette.” They suggest perhaps Bond shakes his martinis because of his drunk, unsteady hands.